In recent months, I’ve slowed down on my consumption of nut butters. Not because I stopped enjoying them, merely because they’re too darn expensive. I mean, nuts are great, but I usually don’t wanna pay $18 for a pound of organic hazelnuts when I could buy a pound of white rice for less than a $1, amiright or amiright?
Any how, one day the urge for nut butter became strong enough that I decided to load up a bag of blanched slivered almonds from the bulk section at Whole Foods. I brought ’em home, tossed ’em in my food processor with some coconut oil and let it run for about 15 minutes. To my pleasant surprise, this butter was inherently sweeter & creamier than most nut butters – almost to the level of coconut butter.
But I didn’t stop there – I decided to tinker around with it by adding a touch of salt, erythritol, and vanilla extract. GOOD LORD, WHAT HAD I DONE. I CREATED COOKIE DOUGH WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT.
Essentially, I went out searching for a fresh little stream and stumbled upon mother fucking Niagra Falls.
Kim and I could’t get enough of this sweetened nut butter, so we knew we had to bring it into proper light. Plus, an edible cookie dough that’s made out of almonds? This is vegan voodoo at its finest folks.
To make matters even more fun, you can spice up this cookie dough with whatever flavors your heart desires. Keep ’em plain for “sugar cookie dough,” add chocolate chips for “chocolate chip cookie dough,” or add cinnamon and roll ’em in toasted coconut for “snickerdoodle cookie dough.” Because we’re extra, we obviously went with the last two.
Because these ‘lil treats are sweet, miniature, and edible via stick or fingers, they’re perfect for tailgating parties (Super Bowl sweets, anyone?). Bring ’em to your meat eating friends’ houses and they’ll have no idea that you’re casting health food spells upon their souls.
If you like what your taste buds are tellin’ ya, leave behind a nice rating, share your thoughts with us in the comments, or show us your creations by tagging @noeggsorham on Instagram.
Go Forth & Devour,
Ryan & Kim
Sugar-Free Cookie Dough Bites (vegan & Plant Paradox friendly)
Heavenly sweet, bite-sized treats made from blanched almond butter.
Ingredients
Cookie Dough
- 3 c (14 oz) blanched, slivered almonds
- 1/4 c erythritol
- 2 tbsp melted coconut oil
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 1/4 tsp salt
Snickerdoodle Dough
- 1/4 c shredded coconut
- 1/4 tsp cinnamon
Chocolate Chip Dough
- 3 tbsp dark chocolate chips (use 85% cacao or Lily’s Stevia Sweetened Chocolate Chips)
Directions
- Combine almonds & coconut oil in the bowl of a food processor. Blend on medium speed until smooth, scraping down the sides every 5 minute or so. 15-20 minutes in total.
- Once butter is smooth, add in erythritol, vanilla extract, & salt. Blend to combine.
- At this time, split your cookie dough in half and place into two bowls. To one half, mix in cinnamon. To the second half, mix in chocolate chips.
- Note: if you exclusively want to make snickerdoodle or chocolate chip, then simply double their respective ingredients and forgo splitting it in half.
- Cover dough bowls with plastic wrap and set in fridge for 30 minutes.
- While butter is cooling, heat oven to 350° F. Place shredded coconut on a parchment lined cookie sheet and set in pre-heated oven until browned; 3-5 minutes. Set aside.
- Remove dough from fridge. Measure out two tablespoons of dough and roll into a ball using your hands. Transfer to a plate and repeat until all are finished.
- Roll all your cinnamon dough balls in the toasted coconut.
- Serve as is for softer dough or place in fridge for up to three days until ready to serve for firmer dough.
NO EGGS OR HAM 
A linguistic sailor myself, I actually laughted so hard out loud, the other pirates asked, “what’s so funny”?
Keep it up and thank you for sticking to your torpedo cannons.
Newly LF,
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Haha, I’m glad you get a kick out of it as much as I do! When it comes to my head, I just gotta write it—if it makes it through editing, it stays.
Hope you enjoy the recipes :)
Best,
Ryan
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Well, I came across your site per Dr. Gundry and this one looks interesting so I started reading, and then BAM! I was assaulted visually and mentally by the vulgarity. Is this really necessary? It does not make the photos better, it doesn’t add to the description in any meaningful or appetizing manner, so what’s the purpose other than being an offense and the fact that it is a curse.
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Hey Kimberly,
No offense intended – I don’t desire to censor myself while writing because I do cuss in person, I think it adds humorous effect, and because that’s my authentic voice in that moment.
I’m aware that my style isn’t for everyone, but I like to keep things true to myself so that this blog is an outlet of fun for me.
Best,
Ryan
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How I love your blog posts, your photos, and most importantly, your attitude and ‘voice’! Please don’t ever change, love from ‘I’m vegan at home’ Gabrielle in Australia : )
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Wow, that honestly means the world to me/us. Sometimes I fear my writing can be a little too raunchy (or too informative, given the post) so hearing you dig our “voice” feels great.
We’re also ecstatic that you’ve found us all the way from Australia; we visited in 2016 and fell in love, so it truly feels like a second home to us.
Cheers,
Ryan
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Great- I’m following you on Insta too, and need to try some of your recipes ASAP
Oz is indeed awesome- no wonder you fell in love! G
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